Here’s the real deal, my experience of it, which is vastly different from each and every other person’s postpartum and birth experience. And that’s the whole point - everyone has their own experience, regardless of what you see in media or what you thought would happen in your own life.

I gained 39 pounds in pregnancy- and only made it to 36.5 weeks (see birth story below - only if you want to). Today, 1 year later, I’m 13 pounds above my pre pregnancy weight (I rarely weigh myself but did today to mark the occasion). I feel pretty good about that because as I slloooowwly come back to where I’m most comfortable, I’m actively restrengthening bit by bit, piece by piece. Sometimes it’s hard for me to go so slowly - especially with my core strength, but I keeping putting it in perspective by reminding myself that my core is literally starting from scratch.

Here’s how I stay active: 2 high-intensity / low-impact fitness classes per week (TRX & Fit HIIT), a minimum of 2 yoga classes per week, and at least 2 longer walks per week (2-4 miles each). I eat whatever I want (though I choose pretty healthy food) and I can’t wait to ride a bike again (I’m not a winter bike rider these days).

My body is strong, resilient and exactly where it should be based on my experience. I hope you can look in the mirror see that same thing ❤️❤️❤️

Today: after a fairly annoying day where nothing flowed or went as it was ‘supposed’ to, we ordered out for lunch or dinner (both) from Monty’s Blue Plate. This is is today.

One year ago today: we order this exact same meal - in between two of the most stressful experiences of my life. We went in for what I thought was a standard late-term prenatal visit, I was wrong. That visit determined that we needed to go get induced that evening. I was 36 weeks pregnant so you can imagine our surprise & frustration. Our house was a mess, our Christmas tree was still up (don’t ask), I was scheduled to work 2 more weeks, Rafael had left his computer open at work assuming he’d be back in an hour or so, and you may have guessed there was no hospital bag packed. <<Enter the takeout>>

We went in at 7:30pm that night to start induction, 38 hours later Mateo arrived by C-section. I had nearly every intervention a person could have, IVs, and an epidural. After nearly the last option was exhausted, Rafael and I made the decision to have the surgical birth, as there was really nothing more that we could do. And it worked out. Sure, I had major surgery, a surgery I had vowed not to receive. But Mateo arrived, he was given to me moments after birth, he rooted, we bonded, he nursed. It all worked out.

So things flow, but they don’t always flow how you expect. They flow how they’re supposed to, at that moment with the circumstances and obstacles presented. This is not to say that I advocate for passivity, but rather active presence on the tide of the flow. Follow it, direct it, choose how to participate in it. Be angry, be active, let go when necessary and follow your gut on what is right in each situation. I think we can get ourselves into trouble when we feel forced to adhere to one way, perhaps it is the angry way, or perhaps the passive way, sticking with one and not both will most likely shield what is truly in your heart. Instead look at each moment and know, really know, when you must be angry and when it is time to let go. To me, this is the way of the water, the flow and the movement of life. We need it all.

So I made it through a turbulent pregnancy, a turbulent birth, and one year later I’m not angry, rather better prepared for the unknown, aware of the present and open to the future.